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"Mount up! The lady would like to be home before sundown." I followed my own instructions.The steady mist like rain showed no signs of stopping, I was glad that the wind died down from yesterday. It would make today's journey that less miserable.The roads were better the closer we came to Fairview. I didn't think that Megan spoke more than a handful of words the whole day. It was obvious that we had had a fight this morning. My companions kept their distance and spoke carefully. I was sure that Armand told Hector and Chandra what we were fighting over this morning. I hoped that they thought that our fight was because of that, instead of the real reason with me inserting both feet into my mouth.We stopped for an early dinner after the rain let up around mid afternoon. The little town only had a one room inn; I figured that it was too close to the city to warrant anything bigger. Megan did not talk to anyone at dinner either. I walked her back to her carriage again, and offered my. Jonathan is my lover. There I said. It's done.Tuesday eveningMarch 3, 2015Last night went well. I got one paragraph written. I dropped my bombshell, though, and that was good. I have never told anyone. I hereby confess to everyone now, anyone who reads this account. No one will ever, ever read this account.I don't mean to be flip. This truly is a horrendous situation. Difficult beyond all imagining for a mother, woman, daughter, companion. It is amazing that I haven't lost my mind the way I lost my moral compass in the last 10 months. How effing fragile I've become. How unable to explain why I continue to do this week after week, with no end in sight. People kill themselves over things like this. I wanted to, that first night especially, as the true horror of the situation enveloped me like a death shroud. That's where this account starts: the worst moment of my life. That split second in time that Jonathan had prayed for since the age of eleven, and never believed would come. It was.
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